UPDATE!

Well my Grandad go through that operation, he was up and eating food, it was amazing, I finally got to see him for 5 minutes but then he wanted a new phone, so I was sat there on my phone (on the net) searching for a phone, bless him.  Because he managed to come through that op he was able to have another op today, it was a big scary op, to remove that horrid C!! They managed to remove most of it and have put another stent int (it’s like a seperator I think) so now he is intensive care, my dad is trying to put on a brave face for me (or us kids) I think, but I feel that the next 24 hours are probably critical, that’s how these things normally work isn’t it? I just hope that all this isn’t for nothing I hope he wakes, but some times things work in mysterious ways don’t they?  By the way did I mention he is nearly 90? He is also fitter than most of us young ‘uns, that puts me to shame I tell you!! Well that’s me signing off for today. *fingers crossed*

Oh and we have to wait another week, May 20th to move..but it looks like it may not be until the week after again! That means it will be a bank holiday AGAIN!! (please no!) I asked the universe to help with both My Grandad and the House :)

I’m back for how long? Who knows?!!

Well I’m much better I can actually do most things, though I do keep getting reoccuring illnesses I pick up anything going around which is annoying but apparently that’s the way it’s going to be for a while, I’m told I have to rest as I’m putting too much stress on my body so here I am once again taking it easy…I hope to get back to running soon but (SHhhhhh!!)

 

NEWS!! By the way I thought I would announce the news that we are finally buying our own home, no more renting for us, however as we are the kind of people that can never have an easy life, we have been delayed by about 6 weeks (from the moving in date!) typically british don’t you think?! So now we are basically living with the last week stuff (and have been for the past 6 weeks) Believe me it’s so frustrating, I keep thinking OH! I’ll do that and then Oh no! I can’t it’s in the garage, box/shed etc etc!! 

Also I packed away our summer clothes as when we should of been moving it was sooo freezing and cold and then it decides this week to be lovely and sunny and I’m invited to a family BBQ and I had nothing to wear (no REALLY!) So I found a t-shirt that was like a vest with a few holes in the bottom, shoved a vest under it (that worked!) and put on my jeans earrings and a necklace, I didn’t do too bad if I say so myself! HA!!

Well that’s all I’m doing for today , now excuse me while I go and rest and play Candy Crush and do some crochet ..oh and the sun looks like it’s coming out again! YAY! 

I’m worrying about my grandad again at the moment too, he’s not too well, having an op today and everyone on tenderhooks waiting to see if it works! *sigh* sometimes life is just hard!! (oh can you see what I mean about the stress?!)

Road to recovery is long and slow…!!

Well hello all, what a wonderful and sunny day it is outside, yet I’m stuck here with my friend lappy (that’s what I’ve named my laptop!) and we have been keeping each other company while the hubby and child return to work, I’m still not well enough to get a job, and I have a feeling it may be a long time until I get back to being “myself” again, however on the plus side I still don’t have as much Endo pain as before, it’s replaced by neck,back,muscle pain and fatigue, I’m still not sure which one I prefer!!!

I have been told I have Post Viral Exhaustion, which is fab because everything I have read says that there is no point fighting it you just have to accept it and it probbly will take a year or more, yes you will have muscle pain, and gland pain and sore throats and headaches, but this is part of the package, your body has been through the mill, so it takes time to recover, well I never have been one to do things by halfs I tell you!!

I am such an independent person that I find it very frustrating knowing I have to sit and rest all day, and if I need to sleep I really should (but I haven’t been…shhhhh!!), and yep I won’t be able to cook or clean for a while and If I do beware as it will come and bite me on the butt!! So I have to accept that my husband is now my carer yet again, he has once again had to take over, by making most of the school lunch and his own :( and making dinner when he comes home, I’ll make it up to him once I’m better ;) (I meant by making some nice home cooked grub..geez some people :) )

Well this is all I can manage to write, most of the time I’m just playing games as my right arm isn’t as weak as the other so I can manovere the mouse around, however this typing is rather hurting all the muscles in my left arm (as I’m touch typing), so as always thanks for reading and take care

xxxx

I’m a survivor?! So why do I feel so terrified of the outside world?

 

 

 

 

 

Well it has been an eventful week and a bit I must say, I fell poorly once again, which was typical as I’d managed to do the “Spartacus” workout for the second time and thought ya, I’ll be able to manage the other one when I come home from a family wedding I was going to! 

 

Well I made it to the wedding and I didn’t feel too bad, but then we went home to get changed for the “night do” and I HAD to go ad lie down, I took some strong painkillers as I felt so feverish, I had a little nap, but still felt a bit rough, but I knew I would make it to the after do now, I felt my right ear and had a little lump behind it, as a week before I had been to the doctors and they had said I had some fluid in my ear but it was healing nicely on it’s own, I didn’t think much of it, the wedding and after do was lovely (even if the music was so loud I couldn’t hear anyone unless they literally spoke down my ear!!) That night I felt rough again took more paracetomol and then again in the morning, made it through the day and the terrential rain and storm that we had on the way home O_O (no kidding, there were people trying to wash the water out of the drives it was so sad :/)

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Anyway once we got home I still felt rough, put the monkey to bed and then I lay on the sofa with a duvet around me and started to feel worse. I got the doctor out (that was a job and a half) and she said, I had some sort of virus and my glands were up, If I felt worse or the glands got up even more she would do blood test for glanular fever, she gave me some painkillers and said that there was nothing else to really help! 

My throat started to hurt even more, if you have ever had tonsills out when you were older… well that sore throat is very NEAR there, but this sore throat is the worse sore throat in the universe (and I’ve had a few, I tell you!!), and my neck hurt like nothing I have ever felt, my eyes couldn’t stand ANY light or any noise, it just felt like my head was going to explode, then I started with a rash, just a little bit of spots on the side of my face, I thought nothing of it, just knew I was poorly, I went to sleep and woke up at 2am, I felt super rotten, tried to go back sleep, I couldn’t by 3am I took some tablets, and tried again, then I just got worse and worse, I said to my husband, you need to call nhs direct,(it’s a health service provider, where we tell someone the symptoms, they then put a nurse on the phone if need be and send an ambulance if necessary!) by this time, my neck had swollen on both sides and the rash had spread all over my face, and legs and arms and we did the “glass test” for meningitis, but the spots disappeared but still, we were a bit worried, my chest felt like I had an elephant sitting on the windpipe and as if there was fire going through my windpipe, I felt so weak (and I’m a pretty strong girl!), and I knew something wasn’t quite right, the nurse thought so too, so she sent an ambulance, I was VERY upset, I didn’t want to go to hospital!!

 

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On a positive note I got to ride in an Ambulance :) I got to the hospital and I was shivering by this point, I had bloods taken and the rash became worse on my face and became a lot more raised, I felt like hell, any light hurt, I wouldn’t even let the doctor put the light thing in my eyes, and I couldn’t open them fully anyway!! By this time my glands on either side of my neck had come up, as had all the lymph nodes (did you know you have LOADS in your neck?) my face was swollen, and I really did look like a human football!! I was not a very well girl! They said it may be mumps (now I’ve had mumps four times, three official and another when it felt the same, and I can tell you this was NOT mumps!) My symptoms were closer to glandular fever, the doctors and nurses were so great on that day and the next, but when they said I could move to a ward Infection control rang and said I couldn’t as now I had to be quarantined as a precaution!!  So now everyone had to wear masks, aprons and gloves, I finally got the all clear to go, but then that ward didn’t want me just in case I infected the people on the ward, then I had to wait for another ward, finally a room was ready I went all the way up to the ward, only to be told I had to go all the way back again as they wren’t ready for me, I waited again and finally was in my own little room, I felt awful, the room however wasn’t bad as hospitals go, the view was lovely, it was of the beautiful countryside and the car park and the sun was shining, but I couldn’t enjoy that much as the light hurt so much, they had to close the blinds and the black out blind, it had a tv in too, I needed the loo, but couldn’t use the “normal ones” I had to use the commode, this was my little prison for the week and a bit, if ever I needed anything I had to ring the bell and the nurses would have to put masks, aprons and gloves on, I felt sorry for them, but they kept apologizing to me, but it’s protocol isn’t it, they just do what they gotta do!!

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Anyways many blood tests poking and prodding later and no one was any wiser, my immune system was shot at, apparantly I had a really low white blood cell count, which is obviously not good, I had some kind of viral infection but they weren’t sure what, the nurse said to me that she thought it was viral meningitis, and I got to agree with her, I really honestly thought I was a goner (going to die) I have felt bad before and I have had bad pain before but nothing and I mean NOTHING was like this, my head and eyes and body just felt like I had ran 3 whole marathons in a day with no drink not stop and no food, that’s all I can say my body was so weak and tired and the pain in my neck and glands and shoulders was awful, I would not wish that on ANYONE!!

So I’m lucky to now be back at home with my hubby and my beautiful boy who I daren’t let come and see me in the hospital for fear he may be struck down too!! So I missed my baby boy so much and he missed me, when I got home we just hugged and he kept staring at me as if he couldn’t believe his eyes (he’s 5 years old), if this has taught me anything it’s taught me to live the life for the now, so as much as I would love to lose weight and as much as I would of liked to do this and that, now I’m just going to live for the now as you never know when you can get struck down, you never know if something is going to take it all away in a split second, my Nana died so quick and then I fell ill so quickly, you never know, I am going to carry on eating healthy but my focus is not on losing the weight as it has been, it’s just on keeping myself alive, this time I was lucky…!!!

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Yet thought I do feel lucky as such I’m slightly terrified that everything has germs, I’m super worried I’ll get a relapse and wonder how I’m going to cope if and when I go back to work, I’m frightened that there are germs lurking everywhere trying to get me, to make me ill again, and how is my immune system going to fare a second attack, I’m not sure if my body is strong enough, then what would my son do without his Mama, all these questions I presume are natural but I don’t feel as though I can air them as the people around me love me so much, I know that and I don’t want to bring them down but there you go, these are my worries.

As always thanks for reading! Happy Living :D

I hate my damn nerves!!

Well today I went for an interview, I went over all the questions knew all the answers by heart, (but no I didn’t sound rehearsed!) I made my portfolio, a folder with my cv in, I felt prepared I went in and BAM, WALLOP, SMACK, my nerves kicked in and all the answers everything I do on a daily basis went

“POOF”

dissappeared just like that! They started with a simple question and my brain went blimourjknoih!!

Then I felt like I did much better afterwards but I was expecting more questions and wasn’t sure if I had done bad or good. Apparantly it was between me and one other, and they had to vote on us, as the headteacher said she had to go about it like she didn’t know me and just go off the written application and interview etc.

Well as you can probably tell by now I was unsucsessful, it’s sad because I love that school and I have done my placement from 2008 and then I have worked on supply and now maternity cover and this job would of been the icing on the cake, but that’s what I get for not having enough self confidence I guess!! Maybe something better is awaiting me around the corner?

Well this is all I’m posting today I need to sleep, I’ve been going bed 1am about 3 nights in a row and It’s finally catching up with me, that and my son being in hospital are now taking it’s toll and starting to show!!

I came home early today as obviously I was upset, the head drove me home, bless her she was upset too :( she is so lovely! So I did what all girls who are on a diet do, attacked my room with the hoover and duster, it looks massive now I’ve decluttered and put all our clothes away, and then you know what I did? ATE ICE CREAM :) YUMMY!!

This evening I spent with my sisters we played on the beach, handstands, cartwheels, running away from our little sister (aren’t we evil?) We spotted a dead jellyfish on the sand, it was sad but so very fascinating at the same time!!

OMG!! I wish I looked like THAT when I was doing a handstand, or just daily actually! :)

Well thanks for reading as always and

Nos Da

GOOD NIGHT :)

-xxx-

Interview questions are a pain in the derriere!

I have an interview this monday and to be honest my focus is all on my son, I’m worried he’s going to fall and collapse at any moment, but I want to keep things as normal as possible for him, so I’m trying to look and not make it too obvious, I feel like he may have a fit or seizure soon as he is acting up and is a little tired, but then it could be me and my nerves making him act like that!

I have done a question and answer part for my interview but to be honest not much is going in my head, but I guess I’ll just try my best on the day, I’m desperate for this job, and I hope my lack of brain functioning does not ruin my chances!! 

Yesterday it took me from around 10pm to about 12am just to figure out what my weakness was that I could actually turn into a positive, it was and still is a bit of a nightmare, I’m good at my job (I don’t mean to sound big headed) but I can’t do these strength weakness things as I’m too honest and want to share all my flaws, however to a interviewer who doesn’t know me they could seem REALLY bad, but I can do the job and put my weaknesses aside, does that make sense? 

For example when I’m just in “me” mode, I find if a little difficult to communicate with other adults, however if I’m in “work mode” or “mummy mode” then I can come across a little more confident as I know what I’m talking about and generally I’m not judged as much (that’s work mode mainly!) You know what I mean?

Anyway back to the grindstone, I’m having little stops and playing neopets it’s the AC cup (anyone who plays neopets will know what I mean!) Also I have bought myself some more Sims3 expansion games so I can’t wait to try them out, I’m doing this when I NEED a break. But for now Ta ta

 

Oh and I’ll try and keep you updated :D

Maybe I should call this blog, my messy life?!!

Well I have an eventful few weeks, first my son had two fits/small seizures in school where my son was practicing his play, during the performance of the “chicken song and dance” no less (he is my child through and through lol) he started to look vacant, he started to jerk his arms and his face began twitching, one of the teachers said he looked really pale and grabbed him because he looked like he was about to fall!! After this first episode they called me (I work in the school too) and I took him to a different room gave him a drink and he seemed a little tired and pale but fine, I asked him what had happened and he said he felt funny, hot and his ears switched off, I thought perhaps it was this thing to do with his heart beating abnormally at the moment, so when it had slowed I took him back to class, he seemed okay and not too fussed by it, but I went to ring the doctors anyway in my class, during this time he had another (which I didn’t know until after my mother in law picked him up.) both lasted a few minutes, the second time he wet himself, and perhaps soiled himself I couldn’t be sure with that one!

 

I thought perhaps it was just one of those things especially as the doctor didn’t seem too concerned and we waited 2 and half hours in the surgery to see them, first they tried to fob me off saying that they were only emergencies they were seeing and I could phone the next day if I wanted to, now I may be overreacting a little here, but if your child was having a fit and he never had any before and not one but two, and he was well otherwise would you think that was an emergency? Or was I being neurotic, I don’t believe I was!!

 

A picture he drew a while ago! :)

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Anyway the reason I said that part of the story is because the other day Wednesday I was at school and when school finishes at 3 for the children my son comes into my class for I have to stay until 3.30 and as I have an interview this monday coming, I needed to print out some pictures, I had been making playdough and was doing something when I realised my son who had been playing in the toy kitchen around the corner was quiet, too quiet, and my alarm bells went off, I walked round the corner and my beautiful boy was face down, still as anything, now If you met my son you would know that this is not a possibility while he is fully awake!!! I shouted him, and he didn’t move I shouted his name again then he looked up slowly looking like he wasn’t quite sure how he got there, he didn’t know how he got from standing to lieying down and kept repeating that he hadn’t banged his head!! he said his arms and legs felt really tired when he tried to put them down, but the story kept changing and he didn’t seem very sure at all, (this was later on when I could get some sense out of him!!) 

I sent my child to the toilet or rather dragged him to the toilet as he did not seem to understand what on earth I was saying, he managed to go to the toilet and had a wee, and I thought, phew finally managed to catch him before he wet himself, but then I realised number two in his undies when I pointed this out he looked super shocked as if he didn’t know how that had got there, when I asked him later he said he hadn’t soiled them earlier, it broke my heart to see how upset he was.

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Writing his name with faces in just like his mama does :D

 

During the time after he had had this fit or whatever it was, he became a completely different child, I said “get you bag ” and he went yuhh and then just kept jumping about like he wasn’t sure of what I had just said, and he just wasn’t himself, he talked about stuff that made no sense, it was like whatever came into his head , he was pale white/grey and green around the mouth (maybe that’s what people meant by blue?)

I’m writing this not only to remind me of what happened but also to help you out there if you suspect something is wrong with your child like I did, do not leave it, and DO go to the AandE department to get it sorted I believe a mother’s instinct is stronger than any other, I was starting to doubt myself, we had to stay in overnight and my beautiful brave boy wouldn’t go to sleep until he had seen the doctor, even though we said we would wake him etc, but he would NOT go, so at 12.30 am the doctor came round asked him some questions and then said we needed to wait for the registrar before we could go home, my boy finally settled into a super deep sleep, he was absouloutly exhausted, as he is after these “episodes”, we had been at the hospital since 4.30pm it was an awful long day!!  

 

The registrar came at 2am and needed to take an ECG of my little boy, I had heck of a job waking him because he was in such a deep sleep, he had been so tired bless him, the registrar advised me to stay in order for us to the see the doctor in the morning. 

When we saw the doctor in the morning the first thing they did was take some blood and my boy sees me have my blood taken for my thyroid so he knows what needs to be done, he normally watches me while I look away but as it was his I didn’t think he would look, well he did and he just flinched a bit but he was fantastic even when they said they had to do it again because they couldn’t get any blood, bless he takes after me like I said, my veins hide too when they see those needles coming!!

He got 3 stickers cheeky monkey, but I was so proud of him ‘cos he was so brave, I wouldn’t of been at that age I tell you!! When the other doc/consultant came round he was very helpful and listened to what I said, didn’t seem in a rush at all, and was wonderful with my son, I wish the doctors that deal with adults took a little page out of his book I tell you!! Anyway the consultant said we were able to go home and that he was suspecting my son may be having small epileptic fits, it could be he has these then that’s it or he could have more, so we are going to have a test to see/measure  his brain waves or something, when I say that it seems odd because it’s like something from a cartoon!!

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 I did some research yesterday which probably wasn’t the best thing but I need to know what to look for and I couldn’t believe the different types of fits/seizures you can have, I am concerned my son has been having seizures and I haven’t realised as I have mistaken them for “daydreaming” I know that I switch off a lot but I just thought that was because I’m dyslexic and sometimes if I’m tired I just switch off, but now I’m concened that my son’s rapid eye blinking, and hands in mouth and daydream/switch off mode could actually be a seizure. I’m going to note it down next time it happens and just see whether I should be concerned or not.

So like I said maybe I should change the blog name, because at the moment it just seems on thing after another and I have an interview on Monday, I can’t concentrate on those questions I’m just worried sick about my son, maybe I’m overreacting but to be honest I’m TERRIFIED I’m going to lose my one and only son, my beautiful baby boy, I’m worried that he will be in bed and have a seizure and I won’t be there, I’m trying to keep every day normal as possible, today I’m sure I’m driving him crazy asking him if he was okay, but he was tired and seemed a little out of sorts today!! 

Well that’s all for now, can’t believe your still reading this but thanks and if you have any advice or you know anyone who has those type of epilepcitc fits I would be very very appreciative of any advice. Thanks for reading

 

Blessed be 

 

_xx_