I’m a survivor?! So why do I feel so terrified of the outside world?

 

 

 

 

 

Well it has been an eventful week and a bit I must say, I fell poorly once again, which was typical as I’d managed to do the “Spartacus” workout for the second time and thought ya, I’ll be able to manage the other one when I come home from a family wedding I was going to! 

 

Well I made it to the wedding and I didn’t feel too bad, but then we went home to get changed for the “night do” and I HAD to go ad lie down, I took some strong painkillers as I felt so feverish, I had a little nap, but still felt a bit rough, but I knew I would make it to the after do now, I felt my right ear and had a little lump behind it, as a week before I had been to the doctors and they had said I had some fluid in my ear but it was healing nicely on it’s own, I didn’t think much of it, the wedding and after do was lovely (even if the music was so loud I couldn’t hear anyone unless they literally spoke down my ear!!) That night I felt rough again took more paracetomol and then again in the morning, made it through the day and the terrential rain and storm that we had on the way home O_O (no kidding, there were people trying to wash the water out of the drives it was so sad :/)

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Anyway once we got home I still felt rough, put the monkey to bed and then I lay on the sofa with a duvet around me and started to feel worse. I got the doctor out (that was a job and a half) and she said, I had some sort of virus and my glands were up, If I felt worse or the glands got up even more she would do blood test for glanular fever, she gave me some painkillers and said that there was nothing else to really help! 

My throat started to hurt even more, if you have ever had tonsills out when you were older… well that sore throat is very NEAR there, but this sore throat is the worse sore throat in the universe (and I’ve had a few, I tell you!!), and my neck hurt like nothing I have ever felt, my eyes couldn’t stand ANY light or any noise, it just felt like my head was going to explode, then I started with a rash, just a little bit of spots on the side of my face, I thought nothing of it, just knew I was poorly, I went to sleep and woke up at 2am, I felt super rotten, tried to go back sleep, I couldn’t by 3am I took some tablets, and tried again, then I just got worse and worse, I said to my husband, you need to call nhs direct,(it’s a health service provider, where we tell someone the symptoms, they then put a nurse on the phone if need be and send an ambulance if necessary!) by this time, my neck had swollen on both sides and the rash had spread all over my face, and legs and arms and we did the “glass test” for meningitis, but the spots disappeared but still, we were a bit worried, my chest felt like I had an elephant sitting on the windpipe and as if there was fire going through my windpipe, I felt so weak (and I’m a pretty strong girl!), and I knew something wasn’t quite right, the nurse thought so too, so she sent an ambulance, I was VERY upset, I didn’t want to go to hospital!!

 

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On a positive note I got to ride in an Ambulance 🙂 I got to the hospital and I was shivering by this point, I had bloods taken and the rash became worse on my face and became a lot more raised, I felt like hell, any light hurt, I wouldn’t even let the doctor put the light thing in my eyes, and I couldn’t open them fully anyway!! By this time my glands on either side of my neck had come up, as had all the lymph nodes (did you know you have LOADS in your neck?) my face was swollen, and I really did look like a human football!! I was not a very well girl! They said it may be mumps (now I’ve had mumps four times, three official and another when it felt the same, and I can tell you this was NOT mumps!) My symptoms were closer to glandular fever, the doctors and nurses were so great on that day and the next, but when they said I could move to a ward Infection control rang and said I couldn’t as now I had to be quarantined as a precaution!!  So now everyone had to wear masks, aprons and gloves, I finally got the all clear to go, but then that ward didn’t want me just in case I infected the people on the ward, then I had to wait for another ward, finally a room was ready I went all the way up to the ward, only to be told I had to go all the way back again as they wren’t ready for me, I waited again and finally was in my own little room, I felt awful, the room however wasn’t bad as hospitals go, the view was lovely, it was of the beautiful countryside and the car park and the sun was shining, but I couldn’t enjoy that much as the light hurt so much, they had to close the blinds and the black out blind, it had a tv in too, I needed the loo, but couldn’t use the “normal ones” I had to use the commode, this was my little prison for the week and a bit, if ever I needed anything I had to ring the bell and the nurses would have to put masks, aprons and gloves on, I felt sorry for them, but they kept apologizing to me, but it’s protocol isn’t it, they just do what they gotta do!!

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Anyways many blood tests poking and prodding later and no one was any wiser, my immune system was shot at, apparantly I had a really low white blood cell count, which is obviously not good, I had some kind of viral infection but they weren’t sure what, the nurse said to me that she thought it was viral meningitis, and I got to agree with her, I really honestly thought I was a goner (going to die) I have felt bad before and I have had bad pain before but nothing and I mean NOTHING was like this, my head and eyes and body just felt like I had ran 3 whole marathons in a day with no drink not stop and no food, that’s all I can say my body was so weak and tired and the pain in my neck and glands and shoulders was awful, I would not wish that on ANYONE!!

So I’m lucky to now be back at home with my hubby and my beautiful boy who I daren’t let come and see me in the hospital for fear he may be struck down too!! So I missed my baby boy so much and he missed me, when I got home we just hugged and he kept staring at me as if he couldn’t believe his eyes (he’s 5 years old), if this has taught me anything it’s taught me to live the life for the now, so as much as I would love to lose weight and as much as I would of liked to do this and that, now I’m just going to live for the now as you never know when you can get struck down, you never know if something is going to take it all away in a split second, my Nana died so quick and then I fell ill so quickly, you never know, I am going to carry on eating healthy but my focus is not on losing the weight as it has been, it’s just on keeping myself alive, this time I was lucky…!!!

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Yet thought I do feel lucky as such I’m slightly terrified that everything has germs, I’m super worried I’ll get a relapse and wonder how I’m going to cope if and when I go back to work, I’m frightened that there are germs lurking everywhere trying to get me, to make me ill again, and how is my immune system going to fare a second attack, I’m not sure if my body is strong enough, then what would my son do without his Mama, all these questions I presume are natural but I don’t feel as though I can air them as the people around me love me so much, I know that and I don’t want to bring them down but there you go, these are my worries.

As always thanks for reading! Happy Living 😀

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