I hate my damn nerves!!

Well today I went for an interview, I went over all the questions knew all the answers by heart, (but no I didn’t sound rehearsed!) I made my portfolio, a folder with my cv in, I felt prepared I went in and BAM, WALLOP, SMACK, my nerves kicked in and all the answers everything I do on a daily basis went


dissappeared just like that! They started with a simple question and my brain went blimourjknoih!!

Then I felt like I did much better afterwards but I was expecting more questions and wasn’t sure if I had done bad or good. Apparantly it was between me and one other, and they had to vote on us, as the headteacher said she had to go about it like she didn’t know me and just go off the written application and interview etc.

Well as you can probably tell by now I was unsucsessful, it’s sad because I love that school and I have done my placement from 2008 and then I have worked on supply and now maternity cover and this job would of been the icing on the cake, but that’s what I get for not having enough self confidence I guess!! Maybe something better is awaiting me around the corner?

Well this is all I’m posting today I need to sleep, I’ve been going bed 1am about 3 nights in a row and It’s finally catching up with me, that and my son being in hospital are now taking it’s toll and starting to show!!

I came home early today as obviously I was upset, the head drove me home, bless her she was upset too 😦 she is so lovely! So I did what all girls who are on a diet do, attacked my room with the hoover and duster, it looks massive now I’ve decluttered and put all our clothes away, and then you know what I did? ATE ICE CREAM 🙂 YUMMY!!

This evening I spent with my sisters we played on the beach, handstands, cartwheels, running away from our little sister (aren’t we evil?) We spotted a dead jellyfish on the sand, it was sad but so very fascinating at the same time!!

OMG!! I wish I looked like THAT when I was doing a handstand, or just daily actually! 🙂

Well thanks for reading as always and

Nos Da




Interview questions are a pain in the derriere!

I have an interview this monday and to be honest my focus is all on my son, I’m worried he’s going to fall and collapse at any moment, but I want to keep things as normal as possible for him, so I’m trying to look and not make it too obvious, I feel like he may have a fit or seizure soon as he is acting up and is a little tired, but then it could be me and my nerves making him act like that!

I have done a question and answer part for my interview but to be honest not much is going in my head, but I guess I’ll just try my best on the day, I’m desperate for this job, and I hope my lack of brain functioning does not ruin my chances!! 

Yesterday it took me from around 10pm to about 12am just to figure out what my weakness was that I could actually turn into a positive, it was and still is a bit of a nightmare, I’m good at my job (I don’t mean to sound big headed) but I can’t do these strength weakness things as I’m too honest and want to share all my flaws, however to a interviewer who doesn’t know me they could seem REALLY bad, but I can do the job and put my weaknesses aside, does that make sense? 

For example when I’m just in “me” mode, I find if a little difficult to communicate with other adults, however if I’m in “work mode” or “mummy mode” then I can come across a little more confident as I know what I’m talking about and generally I’m not judged as much (that’s work mode mainly!) You know what I mean?

Anyway back to the grindstone, I’m having little stops and playing neopets it’s the AC cup (anyone who plays neopets will know what I mean!) Also I have bought myself some more Sims3 expansion games so I can’t wait to try them out, I’m doing this when I NEED a break. But for now Ta ta


Oh and I’ll try and keep you updated 😀

Maybe I should call this blog, my messy life?!!

Well I have an eventful few weeks, first my son had two fits/small seizures in school where my son was practicing his play, during the performance of the “chicken song and dance” no less (he is my child through and through lol) he started to look vacant, he started to jerk his arms and his face began twitching, one of the teachers said he looked really pale and grabbed him because he looked like he was about to fall!! After this first episode they called me (I work in the school too) and I took him to a different room gave him a drink and he seemed a little tired and pale but fine, I asked him what had happened and he said he felt funny, hot and his ears switched off, I thought perhaps it was this thing to do with his heart beating abnormally at the moment, so when it had slowed I took him back to class, he seemed okay and not too fussed by it, but I went to ring the doctors anyway in my class, during this time he had another (which I didn’t know until after my mother in law picked him up.) both lasted a few minutes, the second time he wet himself, and perhaps soiled himself I couldn’t be sure with that one!


I thought perhaps it was just one of those things especially as the doctor didn’t seem too concerned and we waited 2 and half hours in the surgery to see them, first they tried to fob me off saying that they were only emergencies they were seeing and I could phone the next day if I wanted to, now I may be overreacting a little here, but if your child was having a fit and he never had any before and not one but two, and he was well otherwise would you think that was an emergency? Or was I being neurotic, I don’t believe I was!!


A picture he drew a while ago! 🙂


Anyway the reason I said that part of the story is because the other day Wednesday I was at school and when school finishes at 3 for the children my son comes into my class for I have to stay until 3.30 and as I have an interview this monday coming, I needed to print out some pictures, I had been making playdough and was doing something when I realised my son who had been playing in the toy kitchen around the corner was quiet, too quiet, and my alarm bells went off, I walked round the corner and my beautiful boy was face down, still as anything, now If you met my son you would know that this is not a possibility while he is fully awake!!! I shouted him, and he didn’t move I shouted his name again then he looked up slowly looking like he wasn’t quite sure how he got there, he didn’t know how he got from standing to lieying down and kept repeating that he hadn’t banged his head!! he said his arms and legs felt really tired when he tried to put them down, but the story kept changing and he didn’t seem very sure at all, (this was later on when I could get some sense out of him!!) 

I sent my child to the toilet or rather dragged him to the toilet as he did not seem to understand what on earth I was saying, he managed to go to the toilet and had a wee, and I thought, phew finally managed to catch him before he wet himself, but then I realised number two in his undies when I pointed this out he looked super shocked as if he didn’t know how that had got there, when I asked him later he said he hadn’t soiled them earlier, it broke my heart to see how upset he was.


Writing his name with faces in just like his mama does 😀


During the time after he had had this fit or whatever it was, he became a completely different child, I said “get you bag ” and he went yuhh and then just kept jumping about like he wasn’t sure of what I had just said, and he just wasn’t himself, he talked about stuff that made no sense, it was like whatever came into his head , he was pale white/grey and green around the mouth (maybe that’s what people meant by blue?)

I’m writing this not only to remind me of what happened but also to help you out there if you suspect something is wrong with your child like I did, do not leave it, and DO go to the AandE department to get it sorted I believe a mother’s instinct is stronger than any other, I was starting to doubt myself, we had to stay in overnight and my beautiful brave boy wouldn’t go to sleep until he had seen the doctor, even though we said we would wake him etc, but he would NOT go, so at 12.30 am the doctor came round asked him some questions and then said we needed to wait for the registrar before we could go home, my boy finally settled into a super deep sleep, he was absouloutly exhausted, as he is after these “episodes”, we had been at the hospital since 4.30pm it was an awful long day!!  


The registrar came at 2am and needed to take an ECG of my little boy, I had heck of a job waking him because he was in such a deep sleep, he had been so tired bless him, the registrar advised me to stay in order for us to the see the doctor in the morning. 

When we saw the doctor in the morning the first thing they did was take some blood and my boy sees me have my blood taken for my thyroid so he knows what needs to be done, he normally watches me while I look away but as it was his I didn’t think he would look, well he did and he just flinched a bit but he was fantastic even when they said they had to do it again because they couldn’t get any blood, bless he takes after me like I said, my veins hide too when they see those needles coming!!

He got 3 stickers cheeky monkey, but I was so proud of him ‘cos he was so brave, I wouldn’t of been at that age I tell you!! When the other doc/consultant came round he was very helpful and listened to what I said, didn’t seem in a rush at all, and was wonderful with my son, I wish the doctors that deal with adults took a little page out of his book I tell you!! Anyway the consultant said we were able to go home and that he was suspecting my son may be having small epileptic fits, it could be he has these then that’s it or he could have more, so we are going to have a test to see/measure  his brain waves or something, when I say that it seems odd because it’s like something from a cartoon!!



 I did some research yesterday which probably wasn’t the best thing but I need to know what to look for and I couldn’t believe the different types of fits/seizures you can have, I am concerned my son has been having seizures and I haven’t realised as I have mistaken them for “daydreaming” I know that I switch off a lot but I just thought that was because I’m dyslexic and sometimes if I’m tired I just switch off, but now I’m concened that my son’s rapid eye blinking, and hands in mouth and daydream/switch off mode could actually be a seizure. I’m going to note it down next time it happens and just see whether I should be concerned or not.

So like I said maybe I should change the blog name, because at the moment it just seems on thing after another and I have an interview on Monday, I can’t concentrate on those questions I’m just worried sick about my son, maybe I’m overreacting but to be honest I’m TERRIFIED I’m going to lose my one and only son, my beautiful baby boy, I’m worried that he will be in bed and have a seizure and I won’t be there, I’m trying to keep every day normal as possible, today I’m sure I’m driving him crazy asking him if he was okay, but he was tired and seemed a little out of sorts today!! 

Well that’s all for now, can’t believe your still reading this but thanks and if you have any advice or you know anyone who has those type of epilepcitc fits I would be very very appreciative of any advice. Thanks for reading


Blessed be 



Race for Life update and I hate Endometriosis!! :(

Hello all, well my little sister and I walked the race for life, she sprinted the end bless her, I think she could of ran it 😀

My other sister who was running it ran (goes to check her facebook) it in :-


32 Mins and 15 Seconds


Well done her 😀 I walked it and I think it was 53 mins 56 or something like that, not bad considering when I ran it was 40 mins, so we did a good pace walking didn’t we? It was a good day. We went Subway for lunch, it was divine 😀


What is it and this stupid pain? I’m taking tablets constantly at the moment not good on the job prospect front is it? I put my application in for my job, but it I’m going to end up doing the hospital trips back and forth and the fact that I’m in this much pain constantly this isn’t going to bode well for my future prospects is it?

Dose anyone else out there have an Underactive Thyroid and Endometriosis, if so please help me know how I’m able to get better, if you have an answer??!! Losing weight is a good way to help, but that is bloody easier said than done, I’m so frustrated right now, It doesn’t matter what I do/try I just can’t seem to shift any more weight, and I seem to gain hell of a lot faster than a “normal” person, the doctors don’t care, for either of my problems, despite the proof I have put in front of them, I guess I will just have to go to the gym and cycle and grimace through the pain, either way I’ll end up in hospital or thinner, and it’s not just for vain reasons that I want to be slim, or the fact I don’t want to be the FAT sister at my elder sister’s wedding, nope, mainly it’s health wise and I would love to have enough energy just to keep up with my beautiful boy, and to run the Race for Life next year, without having to think my weight will hold me back, and of course I’m sure I would feel a whole lot more confident too!!


So here starts my journey once again on the weight loss front and this time I’m going to have to go all out, no treats, not biscuits, less of that Pepsi Max (I tell you, I’m addicted to that stuff once I start to have it, it’s madness)!!! I guess that is the only way I’m going to beat this, surely if I’m eating more meat, less bread/potatoes and sugar, that will help? I’m trying the primal way of living but I think I lost my way a little so now I am giving myself a virtual kick up the backside and I am going to go all out and see where it get’s me, exercise, gym and cycling, and meat and no sugar, let’s see how it goes. I’m going to start posting each day too, to give myself updates and maybe virtual slaps, feel free if I eat sugar to comment and send me virtual slaps 😀 it may help!!! 😀

Well that is all for my ranting tonight, sorry!! And thanks 😀

Here is to Day 1, I shall be slim by September? 😀

Give me inspiration and help me achieve my goal, please, I need it so much, as I can’t seem to keep motivated but it there are people relying on me, I seem to do a hell of a lot better 😀

Well nite nite for now 😀

Blessed Be 


Race For Life – 3rd year and a backwards step :(

Well hello everyone I know I keep posting a few posts and then not posting anything for ages, I think I got out of the routine and I’m struggling at the moment!! My Endo is at it’s full force, and I’ve had to take tablets nearly every day this week, and all through the day, and my battle with the doctors is starting again. Anyway that story is for another day. Today I just wanted to say this, 



And you know what the first time I walked it, I was so chuffed as I had lost weight, my endo pain had gone (mostly!) and I could walk it, last year I managed to run/jog/walk it and I was so proud of myself, hence the title of my blog, however I’ve not been able to run since my last run,as my body just can’t cope, the idea was I would lose a lot of weight and then try again, that is NOT going very well at all, and now because I’m back in pain on and on the tablets, I’m having to walk this year!! Gutted, tell me about it, however my little sister is walking with me so that makes me feel less ashamed and embarrassed, My other sister (the one who helped out last year?!) is in Uni in Falmouth, she is amazing artist and designer in the making, so she can’t make it back in time, therefore my little sister stepped in, I think she is probably excited!!! She is 12!! Bless her 😀


I’ve put on my Race for Life back sign the following:- (sorry about the caps but this is how it’s written!)

I race for life for (I have drawn tickled pink logo signs here)


         AND FOR —



NANA. (drawn a sad face here) (24 SEPT



So there you have it, and my race number is different from my last, I will post pics that my faithful supporters (hubby and son) will take of me in all my glory (oops that didn’t sound good) .well you know what I mean! That could of been attracting the wrong kind of people haha.

When it comes to the Race For Life, I always think what I have done with my life that would make me proud, and about my Nana and my grandad and others I know who have had cancer, and I wonder if I should do anything different and I always think I should and I always think I have nothing to show, but you know what I do. so here is a small list of things as I really ought to go to bed!!

List of my life

I am kind to everyone (no matter how they treat me? hmm is that good or bad?)

I automatically pick stuff up that people knock off the shelf and don’t bother to put back!

I have a husband, who is kind, thoughtful, looks after me, has patience (this list is not in any order dear!) 

I have the most beautiful, thoughtful, considerate child in the whole wide world/universe

I have the most wonderful sisters, we are so close and there is four of them!!

I have a beautiful and kind mother in law

I have a beautiful Mother, who is always there and doesn’t mind me ranting about the silly docs who don’t listen!

I have a wonderful father, who I know would drop everything if he thought I was in trouble and is a big softie (shhh I won’t tell dad if you don’t :D)

I have wonderful family around me

I have some very close friends 

I have a wonderful Job, as a teaching assistant

I have achieved so much on my own despite my disabilities (they aren’t always visual disabilities ya know!)

 I look at my 3 page CV and go WOW I have done a lot haven’t I?!

I have a home, that I don’t own but it’s still a home

I have nearly everything I ever wanted

I have piece of mind

I have a heart full of love, that does not and will not discriminate anyone


So when I look at this list, and yeah it may seem big headed, but I don’t mean it to be, I just want to put a list here to remind me what to be thankful for and to realize no matter what happens in my future I am such a lucky lucky girl!!

Well that’s all for tonight take care all. and Wish me luck tomorrow, I hope I can walk it all, and I hope it doesn’t take me over an hour :/!!

Sometimes, believing in yourself is the hardest part….!!!

I have come to realise there is only one person standing in the way between me and  and my weight loss is ME, yep little old me, I have choices and I have a choice to say no, but to please others I say yes to things I know I shouldn’t, (food related I am meaning) I know coke/pepsi, makes my stomach bloat, makes me super thirsty, yet I will still drink it! I know white bread, does the same, bloats me makes me feel tired and sluggish yet I will still eat it (albeit rarely!!) I know that when I cut chocolate out (milk choc that is) I don’t need the sugar hit I normally do,  I actually start to like the taste of dark chocolate too! When I know these things, why then do I carry on abusing my body in this way?

This is my pledge, that by September I will have lost at least 1 and half stone. I believe I weigh about 14 stone 10 currently, but I’m not going to  weigh myself I’m going to go on the way I feel, the way my clothes fit and the way my body starts to show. I have  a LOT of cellulite and I know for a fact that when I drink water, cut out sugar, real and sweetner, and I eat more fruit and veg, it reduces immensly!!

I now need to combine the exercise I did before with this primal eating, and I bet by september I shall be half the person I am quite literally. And now I even have something to aim for, actually I have more than one. My Big sister has announced she’s getting married on Oct 24 this year, My hubby’s nephew is getting married august I think and my Big little sister (she’s 5ft 10 and I’m only 5ft 6!!) says she may even make me a dress over the summer!!!! I’ll need to buy the material, and I don’t want to pay for more than what a size 14 person would, as I don’t want any extra material than that, you know what I’m saying?!! 

I just really need to keep on track now!! Any ideas from anybody out there for keeping me on track very much apprecialted!!!!

Anyway that’s all for now, I’ve had a few difficult weeks with my son going through a “I wanna be a teenager at 5” stage and aquiring selective deafness already, (funny how they always here sweeties or food 😉 there’s a tip for you :D) Also my lovely little boy going through some health problems, so I shall update if and when I can. Thanks for reading and as always, post a comment if you want.



Well well well….takes a very deep breath!!

I don’t know where to start, I finally think I’m over, or I can cope with losing my wonderful Nana, when all of a sudden out of the blue comes more memories, ones I had forgotten, ones that were locked up tight in my super special memory safe..they are tumbling out so much more now and I can’t seem to stop them, yet I’m holding on to my emotions by the worn and very crumbling nails, I didn’t think they could last much longer, today they snapped, not just a little, but right off, my sister who came home for 5 weeks I haven’t seen because I was ill, my little boy was ill, then she was ill, then my hubby was ill. I saw her about 2/3 times and that is all, and most of that was for about 10mins!!!!! 😦 so gutted, and she is going back early tomorrow morning. I want to cry and wail and bawl and throw a tantrum, IT’S NOT FAIR!!!! lol, then my mum has told me that my grandad (the one having chemo) is now having to have a blood transfusion as his blood count is low. Worried Sick I am, I’m not strong enough to cope with any other majors, not yet!!!

I know I guess I’m being selfish, I should be concentrating on the positive, but sometimes it’s just not that easy is it? I put on a front (years of practice!) but once I’m inside my little home, once I allow my mind to relax, or think about the “situation” it seems to mock me, showing me what’s happened what might happen, and my mind seems to enjoy my discomfort so much, I hate the demons in my head, the ones  I thought I had got rid of forever, guess that will never happen, I guess I will just have to deal with the fact I can only squish them and quieten them!!



So today I fell off the wagon and ate an easter egg, ughh, didn’t even enjoy it, I had Dr Pepper and didn’t enjoy that either! I ate an apple, ahh that’s better! (I’m the weird child now, lol, well more than usual!!)

But you know what’s weird, I’m sure my waist is getting smaller, I’m sure my muffin top is dissappearing, yet I weigh more, now I’m guessing this is muscle? Either that or I’m getting fat, and now I’m in denial..ARGHHH!! well that’s all for today, I’m going to go and play on sims3 and like a child take my mind off all this and see if I can calm my scrambling twirling tornado or a mind, and I wouldn’t mind my nails returning either!! Good night all take care. 

Thanks for reading. Please comment if you have something to say, if not don’t. Thanks again for listening to my ramblings! xx